*** Perhaps a little disappointed if you’re a woman ***
... now I could talk stereotypes but I will just leave it at... this actually made me chuckle out loud. This is high praise from a depressive.
***Mankind’s greatest mistake was believing in an infallible God. ***
I was about to agree, and look forward to the post... but I can live with the idea of infallibility, as in creating a complex world with good and evil ups and downs and see how various programs run.... it is the idea of an interventionist god that is screwed up. a god that cares, micro manages, even as his plan is chaos with brilliance and pain. And a petty god that can be jealous, or convinced with a prayer... bah.
*** No feeling is more unsettling than the moment you realise you can no longer trust yourself. ***
This line hurts. What if you lost that trust in childhood and then years were spent digging the ruts in your brain, your beliefs, your core that you cannot trust yourself, nor are worthy to be trusted as there is something rotten in Denmark.
It is odd. Reading this, and hearing your voice, especially your stage voice. The lilt and lightness. As you write about, what, original sin? The transmutation of innocence into reality, the apple being that moment, never sweet, when the world slaps your face with a codfish. Ironically, the apple is never plucked, never chosen, (even when we think we have chosen) it most assuredly is put upon as. A baptism in the fire of life. Sorry I ramble.
What a beautiful comment, Chris. Had to put a little humour in there, to stay true to my ambition haha!
Interesting take on interventionism being the problem. I believe if we are to assign characteristics such as merciful, kind, gracious to the creator of worlds, it automatically places a responsibility to intervene. And were there no possibility to, what use would humans have for prayer? Isn’t the whole point of creating the fantasy of God to be able to earn his kindness and to give our lives meaning? Would there be any meaning if we were to merely acknowledge his existence, and nothing further? I wonder! I have been thinking a lot about this subject recently and I will be writing about it soon.
I have always been a writer first, comedy is a much newer venture. But I am unable to filter my written work with facades like I do on stage, so I suppose there’s quite a contrast. Laughed loudly at codfish! You are an excellent writer, will follow you! Please feel free to ramble as much as you like.
B) it isn't as simple as assigning the positive characteristics to the creator for in each of the 3 Abrahamic religions (as well as Hindu and Buddhist if I am not mistaken) the deity is ALL. And specifically in the Abrahamic tradition there is ample evidence of a deity that
is angry, jealous, demanding. Prayer is self-talk. It is a mantra that kindles hope, often when hope is delusional. Prayer is often a last refuge, as in there are no atheists in a foxhole. And yes we could discuss the dialectics of God's will and free will, but that has always seemed to me a have cake, eat it too position. I actually like the idea of dialectics but from the position that every thought can be countered with an opposite. And only in being open to both views can we come to our own rationalist position. (Which often happens to be mine, the narcissist quietly thinks to himself.)
And I suspect there is no true meaning to our lives, let alone purpose. I suppose an argument can be made the purpose is life itself, survival. But - especially today, as a friend acquaintance seems to have gone walk about and has been missing 24 hrs - even the necessity of living is up for debate. (That is our one true free will)... But i suspect, unless one is a psychopath, kindness, understanding, hugs, love, acceptance are may of the true desires of even the worst of mankind. But most of us are hurt and try to grab at those things in false ways. Addiction, violence, pain etc. True meaning? that is probably equilibrium. Nature's constant rebalancing. I don't know, this is just off the cuff with only one coffee.
I love how you write. It leaves one with so much more than just an understanding or a feeling, it's like living your experiences ourselves. Our world disappears and we exist in yours for a moment.
The landslides ring so true, I trust so rarely these days. Yours have helped form a most wonderful being. You are a gift to the world. Thank you for sharing your writing.
I've always enjoyed different perspectives on life and all that living it entails. You have made me look at myself and others in ways I've not considered. It isn't often that I'm moved to introspective thought, but you consistently bring that to me. I have a very complicated relationship with religion, raised very deeply in it only to break away due to trauma. Still, during my darkest & most needy times, I've found my mind reaching for that crutch. Whether out of desperation or comfort, it's odd to inadvertently seek that desperate bit of hope. When I lose a person that meant the world to me, I hope that the heaven they believed in exists for them. Not for me, for them. Hell, maybe it is for me, maybe in some dark corner of my heart I hope to see them thriving in the afterlife. I won't be in this "heaven" with them, but maybe I could catch a glimpse on my way to eternal damnation, just to know they're ok.
Anyway, thanks for existing & sharing the deeper parts of that beautiful mind, Ms Saaniya.
Wonderful writing. You turned emotional upheaval into navigable terrain. The crater, the cliffs, the vanished glaciers—these aren’t metaphors, they’re map points in a private geography. It’s not just memoir—it’s cartographic existentialism. Sartre and Camus wrote of drifting in a post-meaning universe, but you went further—you showed us where someone actually stands once the ground has dramatically changed. And somehow, it’s still beautiful. Please write more.
“Mankind’s greatest mistake was believing in an infallible God.”
Yes believing in a God with attributes of possessing complete and universal knowledge (omniscience) and having supreme power and authority, capable of doing everything and anything, the including the ability to control physical laws, manipulate the universe and create or destroy anything (omnipotent), yet according to Catholicism, has only one Son, Jesus, sent to redeem our sins.
It’s a contradiction that humans have created, with a higher being, saying it is all knowing and powerful but is limited in producing only one male.
Besides this, thank you for sharing your experiences, your growth as a child through adolescence and into adulthood! We may not recognize everything, but the only thing constant in our lives is change!
The biggest problem I found is that people are basically jerks. Yeah, I can blame God for my problems, but when I really dive deep into it, it's other people who have caused me grief, not God. God doesn't intervene, that's the issue we're addressing here, but that's not the same as causing our problems. I don't have an answer for that. People are uncaring, selfish, stubborn, dismissive, nobody is willing to step up to the plate and stay there. There's a complete lack of responsibility and competence.
Since you indicated relationship problems in your post, I can say that we're a pump and dump society. Casual sex has ruined everything, because you can go have some physical fun without being responsible towards the other person. That is the definition of using someone, making them disposable. "Oh, I had my fun, now go away please". You can't have it both ways; hookup culture "and" proper caring and connections.
Our society sucks because we chose for it to suck. That's what greed and selfishness lead to, 100% of the time. There is 1 other issue that I found with religious debates, nobody ever brings up Satan and the possibility that he exists and is screwing us over. I once asked this guy, who was also Indian and a Christian, if he believes in Jesus existing. He of course said yes. Then I asked him if he thinks Satan is real, and he said no. There's part of the problem with modern day Christians.
I agree so much. Life is an endless series of cliffs and reinvention. I feel like I've lived 20 lives connected by a thread, linking separate life bubbles like a sting of pearls. Some changes have been rough, thinking back to what might have been. But others, those self-made elements, the ones you built because you were just to stubborn not to.... those are the ones I hold most dear.
And you. What you have accomplished over the past 4 years. You deserve everything. You have climbed yourself back up the cliff and come back new. The comparisons are there, butterflies, a phoenix, coal turning to diamonds under pressure. I am happy that I have been able to see you go through this process and I am so excited to see how far you go.
There will always be more cliffs, more setbacks. Each one makes you more tired, weary, unsure. But you build internal strength. You are no longer dependent on outside forces. You build an unstoppable internal momentum. And while nothing is invincible, you become resilient, able to take the blows life brings and softly grin, knowing you are stronger than anything it can bring.
*** Perhaps a little disappointed if you’re a woman ***
... now I could talk stereotypes but I will just leave it at... this actually made me chuckle out loud. This is high praise from a depressive.
***Mankind’s greatest mistake was believing in an infallible God. ***
I was about to agree, and look forward to the post... but I can live with the idea of infallibility, as in creating a complex world with good and evil ups and downs and see how various programs run.... it is the idea of an interventionist god that is screwed up. a god that cares, micro manages, even as his plan is chaos with brilliance and pain. And a petty god that can be jealous, or convinced with a prayer... bah.
*** No feeling is more unsettling than the moment you realise you can no longer trust yourself. ***
This line hurts. What if you lost that trust in childhood and then years were spent digging the ruts in your brain, your beliefs, your core that you cannot trust yourself, nor are worthy to be trusted as there is something rotten in Denmark.
It is odd. Reading this, and hearing your voice, especially your stage voice. The lilt and lightness. As you write about, what, original sin? The transmutation of innocence into reality, the apple being that moment, never sweet, when the world slaps your face with a codfish. Ironically, the apple is never plucked, never chosen, (even when we think we have chosen) it most assuredly is put upon as. A baptism in the fire of life. Sorry I ramble.
What a beautiful comment, Chris. Had to put a little humour in there, to stay true to my ambition haha!
Interesting take on interventionism being the problem. I believe if we are to assign characteristics such as merciful, kind, gracious to the creator of worlds, it automatically places a responsibility to intervene. And were there no possibility to, what use would humans have for prayer? Isn’t the whole point of creating the fantasy of God to be able to earn his kindness and to give our lives meaning? Would there be any meaning if we were to merely acknowledge his existence, and nothing further? I wonder! I have been thinking a lot about this subject recently and I will be writing about it soon.
I have always been a writer first, comedy is a much newer venture. But I am unable to filter my written work with facades like I do on stage, so I suppose there’s quite a contrast. Laughed loudly at codfish! You are an excellent writer, will follow you! Please feel free to ramble as much as you like.
A) a poem https://chrisintrees.substack.com/p/i-wanna-be-churched?r=6jjqb
B) it isn't as simple as assigning the positive characteristics to the creator for in each of the 3 Abrahamic religions (as well as Hindu and Buddhist if I am not mistaken) the deity is ALL. And specifically in the Abrahamic tradition there is ample evidence of a deity that
is angry, jealous, demanding. Prayer is self-talk. It is a mantra that kindles hope, often when hope is delusional. Prayer is often a last refuge, as in there are no atheists in a foxhole. And yes we could discuss the dialectics of God's will and free will, but that has always seemed to me a have cake, eat it too position. I actually like the idea of dialectics but from the position that every thought can be countered with an opposite. And only in being open to both views can we come to our own rationalist position. (Which often happens to be mine, the narcissist quietly thinks to himself.)
And I suspect there is no true meaning to our lives, let alone purpose. I suppose an argument can be made the purpose is life itself, survival. But - especially today, as a friend acquaintance seems to have gone walk about and has been missing 24 hrs - even the necessity of living is up for debate. (That is our one true free will)... But i suspect, unless one is a psychopath, kindness, understanding, hugs, love, acceptance are may of the true desires of even the worst of mankind. But most of us are hurt and try to grab at those things in false ways. Addiction, violence, pain etc. True meaning? that is probably equilibrium. Nature's constant rebalancing. I don't know, this is just off the cuff with only one coffee.
I love how you write. It leaves one with so much more than just an understanding or a feeling, it's like living your experiences ourselves. Our world disappears and we exist in yours for a moment.
The landslides ring so true, I trust so rarely these days. Yours have helped form a most wonderful being. You are a gift to the world. Thank you for sharing your writing.
Thank you Chris ♥️ I have many stories that want to be heard, thank you for reading them.
I've always enjoyed different perspectives on life and all that living it entails. You have made me look at myself and others in ways I've not considered. It isn't often that I'm moved to introspective thought, but you consistently bring that to me. I have a very complicated relationship with religion, raised very deeply in it only to break away due to trauma. Still, during my darkest & most needy times, I've found my mind reaching for that crutch. Whether out of desperation or comfort, it's odd to inadvertently seek that desperate bit of hope. When I lose a person that meant the world to me, I hope that the heaven they believed in exists for them. Not for me, for them. Hell, maybe it is for me, maybe in some dark corner of my heart I hope to see them thriving in the afterlife. I won't be in this "heaven" with them, but maybe I could catch a glimpse on my way to eternal damnation, just to know they're ok.
Anyway, thanks for existing & sharing the deeper parts of that beautiful mind, Ms Saaniya.
Wonderful writing. You turned emotional upheaval into navigable terrain. The crater, the cliffs, the vanished glaciers—these aren’t metaphors, they’re map points in a private geography. It’s not just memoir—it’s cartographic existentialism. Sartre and Camus wrote of drifting in a post-meaning universe, but you went further—you showed us where someone actually stands once the ground has dramatically changed. And somehow, it’s still beautiful. Please write more.
“Mankind’s greatest mistake was believing in an infallible God.”
Yes believing in a God with attributes of possessing complete and universal knowledge (omniscience) and having supreme power and authority, capable of doing everything and anything, the including the ability to control physical laws, manipulate the universe and create or destroy anything (omnipotent), yet according to Catholicism, has only one Son, Jesus, sent to redeem our sins.
It’s a contradiction that humans have created, with a higher being, saying it is all knowing and powerful but is limited in producing only one male.
Besides this, thank you for sharing your experiences, your growth as a child through adolescence and into adulthood! We may not recognize everything, but the only thing constant in our lives is change!
The biggest problem I found is that people are basically jerks. Yeah, I can blame God for my problems, but when I really dive deep into it, it's other people who have caused me grief, not God. God doesn't intervene, that's the issue we're addressing here, but that's not the same as causing our problems. I don't have an answer for that. People are uncaring, selfish, stubborn, dismissive, nobody is willing to step up to the plate and stay there. There's a complete lack of responsibility and competence.
Since you indicated relationship problems in your post, I can say that we're a pump and dump society. Casual sex has ruined everything, because you can go have some physical fun without being responsible towards the other person. That is the definition of using someone, making them disposable. "Oh, I had my fun, now go away please". You can't have it both ways; hookup culture "and" proper caring and connections.
Our society sucks because we chose for it to suck. That's what greed and selfishness lead to, 100% of the time. There is 1 other issue that I found with religious debates, nobody ever brings up Satan and the possibility that he exists and is screwing us over. I once asked this guy, who was also Indian and a Christian, if he believes in Jesus existing. He of course said yes. Then I asked him if he thinks Satan is real, and he said no. There's part of the problem with modern day Christians.
I agree so much. Life is an endless series of cliffs and reinvention. I feel like I've lived 20 lives connected by a thread, linking separate life bubbles like a sting of pearls. Some changes have been rough, thinking back to what might have been. But others, those self-made elements, the ones you built because you were just to stubborn not to.... those are the ones I hold most dear.
And you. What you have accomplished over the past 4 years. You deserve everything. You have climbed yourself back up the cliff and come back new. The comparisons are there, butterflies, a phoenix, coal turning to diamonds under pressure. I am happy that I have been able to see you go through this process and I am so excited to see how far you go.
There will always be more cliffs, more setbacks. Each one makes you more tired, weary, unsure. But you build internal strength. You are no longer dependent on outside forces. You build an unstoppable internal momentum. And while nothing is invincible, you become resilient, able to take the blows life brings and softly grin, knowing you are stronger than anything it can bring.
What a beautiful, deep essay. I hope the ground feels more stable again.