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Chris ❤ 🏳‍🌈 (CDN) he/him 50+'s avatar

*** Perhaps a little disappointed if you’re a woman ***

... now I could talk stereotypes but I will just leave it at... this actually made me chuckle out loud. This is high praise from a depressive.

***Mankind’s greatest mistake was believing in an infallible God. ***

I was about to agree, and look forward to the post... but I can live with the idea of infallibility, as in creating a complex world with good and evil ups and downs and see how various programs run.... it is the idea of an interventionist god that is screwed up. a god that cares, micro manages, even as his plan is chaos with brilliance and pain. And a petty god that can be jealous, or convinced with a prayer... bah.

*** No feeling is more unsettling than the moment you realise you can no longer trust yourself. ***

This line hurts. What if you lost that trust in childhood and then years were spent digging the ruts in your brain, your beliefs, your core that you cannot trust yourself, nor are worthy to be trusted as there is something rotten in Denmark.

It is odd. Reading this, and hearing your voice, especially your stage voice. The lilt and lightness. As you write about, what, original sin? The transmutation of innocence into reality, the apple being that moment, never sweet, when the world slaps your face with a codfish. Ironically, the apple is never plucked, never chosen, (even when we think we have chosen) it most assuredly is put upon as. A baptism in the fire of life. Sorry I ramble.

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Ken Sabath's avatar

Wonderful writing. You turned emotional upheaval into navigable terrain. The crater, the cliffs, the vanished glaciers—these aren’t metaphors, they’re map points in a private geography. It’s not just memoir—it’s cartographic existentialism. Sartre and Camus wrote of drifting in a post-meaning universe, but you went further—you showed us where someone actually stands once the ground has dramatically changed. And somehow, it’s still beautiful. Please write more.

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